1. This is my third try uploading this and I’m not bothering to write anything about it until it actually works.

     
     
  2. Hahahahahahahaha glad my (in reality useless) cat and dog are internet safety officers

    (Source: everyonebenefits)

     

  3. Cats are jerks

    I had a dream last night that some friends and I decided to have a picnic, but as soon as we set out our picnicking supplies a grizzly bear came out of the woods and chased us away.

    Then I woke up and “realized” I hadn’t seen the cat all evening (not even true) and convinced myself that she’d gotten outside and had probably been eaten by a fox. So I went through the house in the dark, checking all her cardboard box-beds and usual sleeping places, growing ever more panicked that my dream was a sign and I’d accidentally gotten my cat killed. I even opened the window and called for her and convinced myself I could hear her bell jingling.

    Yeah, she was sleeping behind a stack of towels on the guest bed, and just didn’t want to get up at 3am to deal with the human. Cats are jerks.

     

  4. Nike “We Own the Night” 10k, 5/18/13

    I ran my first 10k on Saturday night! When I signed up for the marathon I realized that I had no idea what my “race pace” is and I figured that I should sign up for a race to try to figure it out. There’s a free 5k in the park near my house every weekend, but it’s in the morning and I just kept putting it off… so when I found out about this all-women eveningtime race, put on by Nike, in Victoria Park, I figured I’d go for it.

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  5. I’m just leaving this here because I feel like I can never find it when I need it.

     
  6. Stop trying to make “fetch” happen!

     
  7. So you agree? You think you’re really pretty?

     

  8. A list of the interesting people in my neighborhood, at least, the ones I recognize

    • The one guy who works in the park who enthusiastically says “hi” to everyone. The first time he said hi to me I thought it was a little creepy, and started walking faster, because people don’t really talk to strangers here. But now I’ve seen him yell “hi!” and wave across the street to a dude who was just walking down the sidewalk talking on his phone, so I understand it to be something of a compulsion. Anyway, I say hi back now.
    • The woman who lives two houses down and has three gorgeous blue-nose staffy mixes (England, where pitbulls are dangerous dogs that belong to other people.) She takes them out for pack walks every morning and then takes them to the park; two of them run around off-leash and the third one stays close to her on a lead and sits by her feet and asks for belly rubs.
    • The man who sits on the corner and works on a painting of Thornhill Square as it appears in his imagination, and as I wish it appeared in real life.
    • The two guys who practice roller skate dancing in the park, to rap music, just hanging out in their un-ironic dad jeans. I saw them four days running, but that was two weeks ago and they haven’t been around since then.
    • My upstairs neighbor, who is 89 and has lived in her apartment since 1983. She had surgery last year and now walks with a walker, and didn’t leave her apartment for months (she gets in-home care.) A few months ago workmen installed extra banisters on the stairs, and now she’s been practicing going up and down the stairs and going for walks to the park and back with her carers. She used to lower keys down on a string for delivery people, but now she can walk down the stairs to greet them!
    • The guy who always walks around in his underwear in his apartment, which does not have blinds but does have giant windows that face the park.
    • The group of women I’ve nicknamed the Rich Wives Club, who meet in the same square every day to gossip, armed with their strollers and fancy dogs (including a really sweet Chinese Crested named Molly) 
    • Honorable mentions to the animals of the neighborhood: The ginger and white cat I call “Maeby’s boyfriend” who engages her in games of Marco Polo that span several lots. He sometimes shows up on top of the shed just to check out our garden and make sure everything’s okay, but won’t let me pet him. The dog that might be a Dalmation but also might be a creative mutt of some kind. And the absolutely beautiful Dogue de Bordeaux I see sometimes, who looks like the most soft-hearted, cuddly dog in the entire world but his owner looks like a surly ginger Bart Simpson so I’ve never asked to pet him.
     
  9. “Get in, loser, we’re going shopping.”

     
  10. I can’t go to Taco Bell, I’m on an all-carb diet